Who am I?

Some of my friends and family know me very well , but i believe most of you don't. I'm an open person when someone comes and asks me about my life. I hate that people think I'm stuck up when they first meet me because I don't talk much but that is because I'm shy until I learn about the people around me. So maybe if i just let people know what my life has really been like then they will know that I don't judge and I'm here for all my friends and family. My life has never been easy and I don't believe anyone's life is easy. For a part of my life I was Sexually Abused. I wont lie it has affected my life everyday. Its not something that is easy to forget about or to move past it takes years and lots of time trying to understand why. There is no real reason why other than there are just sick people out there that need help. I have always kinda went to church with family but after this had happened is when I really started to believe there was a such thing as a God. I use to get so mad thinking if God was real why would he let people get abuse and mistreated. For years I didn't think a God as great as Him could do that to good people. No one ever deserves to be abuse I don't care what they have done to people. I would never wish that on someone. Well for years I went to church to try to find out why and never could understand it. I also didn't want to deal with what had happened to me I would just push past it all. When I had found out that I was pregnant I decided I was going to raise this child but that I needed to work to find out who I was. I will never know why people hurt others in those kinds of ways, But I will always pray for the sick to get better. I have heard people talk about why God lets people surfer when no one deserves that. I have never been given a clear reason but I think I found what I was looking for. God doesn't want people to surfer, He is not a mean hurtful God. He gives you only what he know you can handle. Maybe its not always good things but weather its the good or the bad he knows that if you want to you can take both and grow from it. I got abused but I'm not going to let that ruin my life. Instead I want to reach out to the ones who have trouble dealing with life and try my best to help make things better. I know I cant help everyone but I can show people that I have a past to and what I wrote tonight is just a small part of it. I'm not scared to show people who I am anymore, instead I'm glad for things that have happen because I know that somewhere down the line I could really help someone. Plus I know that what has happened in my life both the ups and the downs has made me stronger.

Beauty within yourself!

Today I was listening to songs and looking at pictures of myself and my friends. I notice myself wishing that I was pretty like they are. Then I stopped. Why would I wish something like that? Today society is all about looks and sex appeal. They make you feel like you have to look just like a model to be normal now days but that is so far from the truth. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways. Movies, TV, Music, and Famous people make the average person on a daily basis feel like crap and have low self esteems. IF I could change this for every girl I would because it causes a lot of pain in their life's daily. I use to feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone because I wasn't drop dead gorgeous like most the actresses. I'm tired of living my life like that day to day. I want to feel like I'm good enough without putting on slutty clothing to draw eyes to me. I want to have the confidence I see in others. I want to be able to walk out of my house in sweat with my hair all messy and no make up on and feel just as pretty as I do when I'm all done up. Today is the change of a big part of my life.. Today I'm going to start to think I'm pretty and love myself for who I am. I'm so use to someone saying I look good and instead of saying, "thanks" first I would say something like, "oh whatever, or no I don't". I'm tired of the world telling me to look a certain way and mostly I'm tired of putting myself down.